what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
