Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
