I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
