Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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