Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
