i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
