So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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