its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You ruined the universe
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
