oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
