just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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