I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
