What a fucking waste of an outfit
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We just shotgunned beers for America
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
