her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
