guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
