dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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