Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
