I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
