For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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