She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
