checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
