Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
