How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
