I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
