i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
