we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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