It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
