Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
