From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
