I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
