Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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