Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
