That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
