yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He shit in the fireplace
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
