my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
