Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
