omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize