I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
