Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
