so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
