Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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