u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
