she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
