You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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