I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
