Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
