The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
