DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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