so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
