I'm jealous of your bromance
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
even my farts smell like vagina
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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