So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Jerry, you need to find god
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
