she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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