Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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