I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
