she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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