Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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