why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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