Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
