Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize