I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
