Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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