Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
