My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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