this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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