is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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