I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
