we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
