you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
