I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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