I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
