one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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