I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize