so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
