Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
