Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
