Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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